Caroline Madden, licensed marriage and family therapist, has authored a third affair recovery book, [Blindsided By His Betrayal: Surviving the Shock of Your Husbands Infidelity](http://www.amzn.to/1q6mgcm). This book is written for women who have discovered their husband has cheated and are struggling with the volatile emotions that typically follow such a discovery. According to Madden, Women dont recognize themselves after the discovery of a husbands affair. They go from being confident women to checking on their husbands every move. They go through personality changes. Women who were by nature easygoing find themselves consumed with rage. Alpha women find themselves crying all the time and unable to go to work.
Betrayed women do things that at the time seem like good ideas (tell the whole world about the affair, tell the kids, tell the husbands work, have an affair themselves), but when they finally get off the reactionary emotional roller coaster, they regret those decisions made out of anger, Madden says. They make an already terrible situation worse. They compound their husbands selfish emotional choice to cheat through their own reactions. Sadly, the children end up being the ultimate losers when women respond with vengefulness instead of calmly and rationally figuring out the best path forward.
Madden cites this as the reason for writing Blindsided By His Betrayal: Surviving the Shock of Your Husband's Infidelity. A lot of the wives who read the first book, After a Good Man Cheats, said they were so grateful when they got to the part of the book that said they werent crazy to be so emotionally distraught and challenged, Madden says. This book helps women who think they are going crazy as they experience the natural roller coaster of emotions. Its important that they realize what they are experiencing is a normal reaction to the trauma of discovering their husband has cheated.
People think that women who take their cheating husbands back are doormats. That isnt the case, Madden says. These are very strong women to take on the challenge to see if rebuilding is possible. They are able to see that they arent in competition with their husbands affair partner, but rather that the affair happened because of vulnerabilities in the husband. Also, if a husband is truly remorseful, is it worth it to break up the family? That is what they are evaluating.
Women who have been cheated on are a smart and resourceful bunch, Madden says. Mere searching of cell phone records and credit card statements is for amateurs. Women have called up ex-boyfriends who are now cops to have their husbands tracked and their records hacked. They have installed GPS systems on cars and secretly installed keystroke detectors on their husbands computers at home AND at the office. Some have hired private investigators overseas to wait outside hotel rooms. They have hacked into the affair partners Facebook account. When the FBI couldnt unlock the San Bernardino terrorists iPhone, I thought, Give it to any woman and tell her its her mans phone and that there is evidence of his cheating on it. That phone would have been unlocked in a heartbeat. Maddens book also explores the steps women can take to get their old selves back.
Madden has authored two books about affair recovery and one for spouses supporting partners who have lost a parent. Blindsided By His Betrayal is available at Barnes & Noble, Amazon and other bookstores. Learn more about Caroline Madden, author and [Burbank licensed marriage and family therapist](http://counselingwithcaroline.com/), at her practice website.
